It’s been incredibly busy lately. With life drawing twice a week, that’s two nights occupied. I’m glad I’m drawing for an hour and a half each session. I don’t even draw people that much in general, yet I feel this is very important. The more I don’t want to go, the more accomplished I feel when I end a session.
Lately, I’ve been loving colouring with pastels. Beautiful tints, gentle shading… feels good. I’ve also taken to writing the lyrics of the songs I’m listening to on my paper – ‘Whole cities light up, but nothing can compare to you, baby.’ I used to really feel this song – ‘Hurt Me’ by the Jezabels. ‘It was a finer life when I was with my friends and I could always see my family.’ ‘Still Sound’ by Toro Y Moi. Still obsessed with that song too.
I was walking to the train station this morning, and everything felt incredibly surreal, very suddenly. As in, is this really my life? To be surrounded with such brilliant, loving and multi-talented people, to have been shown such depth and kindness by others? I have never imagined this. And I thought, maybe all this is a reflection of what is within myself all along, things that I have hoped for, cultivated and shown to others.
Another thing I discovered today through my frustration of not being an Energizer bunny of a human – I don’t always look back on my productivity and feel good about what I did. But I DO feel good when I think of very good interactions I had with people during the day. Especially the ones that have no ego, no fronting. That is what brings a deep sense of fulfillment and relaxation for me.
These are my thoughts. Good night.